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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in yo f-f-f-fant-ta-ta-seeeeeee's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, February 2nd, 2006
12:21 pm
rock, paper, scissors..i found it hee-larious
I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell can't Paper do this to Scissors? Screw Scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because Paper can't beat anybody, a Rock would tear that shit up in like 2 seconds. When I play Rock/Paper/Scissors I always choose Rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their Paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, "oh, I'm sorry I thought Paper would protect you, you asshole..."
2 just want to love themselvess|nothing ever bothers her
Thursday, January 19th, 2006
1:08 pm
work day spent well..i feel accomplished
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Current Mood: accomplished
nothing ever bothers her
Wednesday, January 18th, 2006
11:23 am
rant post
i'm so sick of the bigotry i'm presented with everday. from just going to the gas station and the comments from the indian inside who thinks you're "too white" or the completely unveiled racist comments that i'm getting far too much and have ALWAYS gotten. you think you're not different until people are so apt to point out that you, in fact, are. a cop pulled me over when i was riding with my guy friend who also happens to be desi and i heard it from him too! nothing makes you feel like less of a person, believe me. and you won't understand it until someone does it to you.. i have as much right to be in this country as you do, stupid. sorry your mom and dad breeded and made you. so this post is kind of my steam blowing. i'm pissed and i have a right to say what i want to say.

i think that there's a lot of phony ass indian uncle toms in our midst. yes, i have quite a bit of america in me, i was raised here, what do you expect? but, it's like this..you've heard a million times "america is a melting pot"..couldn't have said it better. picture a gigantic cast iron pot where all types of different alloys are mixed together, what's the result? some material which is completely uniform..there's no trace of any characteristic that defined the original components. and that's what they do to us. they take away our culture. people forget where they came from, what their parents had to do to get them here. and that's a microcosm of desis in america. ashamed of your past? screw that..that's a badge i wear. but i refuse to call myself american until i get treated like one. if you look at it right now, its really bad at present, that is. "red dot killers"? did you actually just say that to me? the police hate us just as much as them. you turn on the tv, and they show the enemy with my skin color. and you know what i'm talking about. i know i'm not arab, but to them, we all look the same. why an i so vehemently supportive of black people's rights and women's rights? why? because, as the largest minorities in america, they can pave the way for others. not to mention, it's just the morally right thing to do. once, if ever, blacks get equality - it will be easier for the rest of us to get forward. i'm not talking about these fake ass motel owning indian colin powells who just kill who they are to get ahead...and then forget about the others who can't. they still marginalize us into stereotypical roles. no matter how far we supposedly advance, we still have the stereotype of 7-11 employees who speak with a funny accent and smell funny. frankly, i'm sick of hearing people take this completely seriously and use it to insult me. it just gets my blood boiling. i work harder then most of them! oh - SIDENOTE - if you are under the impression that everything IS equal and hunky dory because it should just be that way, don't respond to me. i don't care, go on living in fantasy world.

identity's hard, man. you gotta define your own...you might look at me and call me a sellout cuz i don't have an accent, cuz i seem to be a part of u.s. culture. i AM a part of u.s. culture. you know, how can you live your whole life somewhere and not be affected by it? but, i commonly feel like an outcast, i remain detached from the mainstream. it doesn't matter so much in what way or for what reason society has rejected you...whether its race, religion, sexual orientation, gender, ideology, whatever...you find this common thread with others who've been rejected and you grab onto it. as far as our cultural identity or any other, for that matter...i say don't assimilate. make others accept that you are who you are. oh, but, its worse with your family, though, right? you try to live like your peers, and then you get "if you date that white boy beta, we'll disown you", "i know what you are doing beta!" not american enough, not desi enough. can't i just have a little balance people without being harrassed from both ends of the spectrum?!

Current Mood: annoyed
4 just want to love themselvess|nothing ever bothers her
Saturday, January 7th, 2006
8:51 pm
mah leel babies
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my leel bushy knows how to work a tvvvv...awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, she sooooooooo cooooootie.

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can't leave no fashmeesh out.

2 just want to love themselvess|nothing ever bothers her
Tuesday, December 27th, 2005
12:28 pm
bushra jawaid made fatima jawaid stick her fingers up bushra's weewee.

this one is true boys and girls!
3 just want to love themselvess|nothing ever bothers her
12:18 pm
entry dedicated to bushra.
bushra wore tight pink pants so she could be just like me.

she has really bad gas. and giggles afterward.

she makes disgusting porno noises to seduce me with her shadow dinosaur puppets.

she breaks into random song from pochantas.

she gets jealous very easily.

she forces me to write livejournal entries about her.

the end.

Current Mood: nauseated
nothing ever bothers her
Wednesday, December 14th, 2005
3:14 pm
since i made an entry for buchee, i now make one for fashmeesh.

those who aren't aware: fatima is sexually attracted to cows. and thats her preference. we're in america people, leave her alone.

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since i'm not the smartest..you may have to save it and then enlarge it..but its SO worth it.

Current Mood: accomplished
2 just want to love themselvess|nothing ever bothers her
Wednesday, December 7th, 2005
9:00 am
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my leel buchee is famous!
ohhh how i lubb her chooo much.

Current Mood: accomplished
4 just want to love themselvess|nothing ever bothers her
Thursday, October 27th, 2005
5:13 pm
so, i've signed up to go to India for AIDS work with Project Cry the summer after this. despite the comments of my friends and undoubtedly, the one from my mom. which will probably be locking me in a cage. so in celebration, of this occasion, i shall post something that has become very important to me. some parts of this were highly disturbing to me.

I think we should all be well aware of what is going on, Indian or not. And more importantly, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

"In some parts of India, particularly the states that are reporting the higher prevalence, the tipping point is long past. I think there is absolutely no doubt that the virus is moving into the general population." - Dr. R. Feachem, executive director of the Global Fund to Fight AIDS, Tuberculosis & Malaria.

The epidemic continues to shift towards women and young people. It has been estimated that 38% of adults living with HIV/AIDS in India as of the end of 2003 were women. In 2004, it was estimated that 22% of HIV cases in India were housewives with a single partner. The increasing HIV prevalence among women can consequently be seen in the increase of mother to child transmission of HIV and paediatric HIV cases.

Obtaining data on the number of children orphaned by AIDS is difficult. It is believed that the proportion of children in India orphaned by AIDS is far lower than in sub-Saharan Africa but because of India's huge population the actual number of children already orphaned by AIDS is very high. In 2001 the number of orphaned children was already estimated at 1.2 million.

In India, as elsewhere, AIDS is perceived as a disease of "others" - of people living on the margins of society, whose lifestyles are considered 'perverted' and 'sinful'. Discrimination, stigmatisation and denial are the outcomes of such values, affecting life in families, communities, workplaces, schools and health care settings. Because of HIV/AIDS related discrimination, appropriate policies and models of good practice remain underdeveloped. People living with HIV and AIDS continue to be burdened by poor care and inadequate services, whilst those with the power to help do little to make the situation better.

In India the social reactions to people with AIDS have been overwhelmingly negative. For example, in one study 36% of people felt it would be better if infected people killed themselves, the same percentage believed that infected people deserved their fate. Also, 34% said they would not associate with people with AIDS, and one fifth stated that AIDS was a punishment from God.

"It is a sad irony that India is one of the biggest producers of the drugs that have transformed the lives of people with AIDS in wealthy countries. But for millions of Indians, access to these medicines is a distant dream"

my view on what YOU (yes, you) can do:

-donate money and more importantly, human help.

-educate yourselves!! open other people's eyes. do not remain ignorant and turn your back on your brother or sister's suffering.

-help educate indians with sex education. such a stigma is placed on my culture when it comes to sex..speak up to stop the abuse of husbands with AIDS raping their wives, teach the young people to wear condoms, etc.

-write to political leaders so they can take effective action.

-care for and support those who are affected by this deadly disease.
5 just want to love themselvess|nothing ever bothers her
Wednesday, June 15th, 2005
5:26 am
because a woman's work is never done
and what we look like is more important than what we do
and if we get raped, it must have been our fault
and if we are beaten, we must have provoked it
and if we raise our voices, we're bitches
and if we like sex, we're whores
and if we don't, we're prudes
and if we love women, its because we can't get a "real" man
and if we ask our doctors too many questions, we're pushy and neurotic
if we expect child care, we're selfish
and if we stand up for our rights, we're aggressive
and if we don't, we're typical weak females, and we can't cope

women's liberation movement

i want to convert to buddhism. and i also want to take some of the money i get from my cubicle job and come to duluth for at least a weekend..i'm surprised how much i miss everyone.
5 just want to love themselvess|nothing ever bothers her
Saturday, June 4th, 2005
6:05 pm
i ran a marathon today with troy troy for the food shelf. i'm so proud of myself except my feet are killing me!! the little old lady kicked my ass..but to my defense, she was running like she was trying to escape the nursing home. but i still beat the one legged man. AHAHAHA. five miles in one hour. kiss that baby.

Current Mood: tired
1 just want to love themselves|nothing ever bothers her
Tuesday, May 17th, 2005
5:16 am

What You Really Think Of Your Friends

Troy is your soulmate.
You truly love Fatima.
You consider Debbie your true friend.
You know that Danielle is always thinking of you.
You'll remember Bushra for the rest of your life.
You secretly think Mona is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times.
You secretly think that Abra is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker.
You secretly think that Alethea is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Alethea changes lovers faster than underwear.
You secretly think Anuj is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Anuj has a hidden internet romance.

haha..that was fun.

i looOOooove tim mcgraw's song "live like you were dying"...i think i've been in texas a little too long. it brings tears to my eyes.

he makes me so happy, when i'm with him i feel like my entire body is made out of melted chocolate.

interview with dell in TWO days! i'm soooooooooooooooooooo nervous. please. please. please. please.

i wish i had money for mcds. or taco bell. stop torturing yourself khadija. STOP IT. in other news, i've lost 10 pounds in two months without trying and this is sort of scaring me. maybe i should stop running? but it makes me feel so good *sob*

i slept all day and i just woke up. this is the life.

Current Mood: calm
6 just want to love themselvess|nothing ever bothers her
Sunday, May 15th, 2005
4:51 am
domm domm
i walked into the booth and picked up the phone..
popped in two quarters to dial him at home
it rang four times and went to the machine
all along i thought i was strong and knew what to do
but apparently i'm not because i came crawling back to you..
dear god,
i'm calling you on your phone
why did you lie to me and tell me you'd be home?
please pick up, i have so much to say
please pick, can't you hear me pray?
dear god,
i was just trying to talk to you on the phone
dear god,
why did you leave me here all alone?

Current Mood: okay
nothing ever bothers her
Thursday, May 5th, 2005
2:17 am
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pic of me before the pecan festival that mona bona took..i cut anuj out of the picture because he bothers me. ahaha. FATIMA..he's engaged remember?! i chased the gulab jumman cart two blocks. and it was worth it.


something this cool ass and oh so insightful chick richa wrote:

You think this is the life, girl, with your thick makeup on and over priced Seven jeans. Trying too hard to be beautiful by any means. Go on, sip on your mocha latte from Starbucks. Spread the gossip like we all give a fuck. You’re superficial and prissy, over-confident and ever so bitchy. You only go for the Armani guys that can keep up with your lavish lifestyle. You’re in the Beamer your dad bought you; shopping around for another couple of miles. You may have the looks pretty girl, but where is your brain? What happened to the NYU degree your money bought you- oh you mean it went right down the drain? Do I hate you for your beautiful looks? Or am I jealous that you can have it all without hitting the books?

Hey rocker girl with your Ramones t-shirt, are you all emo because you’re constantly hurt? Are you working hard to keep your converse fashionably ripped? Are you a rebel because you’re tainted and Vicodin dipped? Your studded belt, the cocaine you smelled. Get your guitar and the rest of your band. Sing about slitting your wrist with the razor in your hand. Are you crying out for attention or scared to get a drug intervention? You’re bitter and dark as you say, but I constantly find myself as exactly what you portray.

Oh Indian girl are you lost in this society? Trying to unlock your spirit with the missing key? You neither fit in here, you neither fit in there. Wandering through groups and phases like a derelict getting stares. Not Indian enough, not American enough. You feel like an outcast yet try to act tough. Wear your bindi and put on your churri’s. Dheko ye laadki hai kithni soni. Put on your spaghetti tank top and itty bitty skirt. Watch all the white boys come up to you and flirt. You’re the “exotic” girl with the “mysterious” beauty, but you’re culture is still quite misunderstood, cutie. They exploit your culture and charge $60 for a Ganesh t-shirt. You see our culture capitalized and can only but feel the hurt. You hear a rap song with an Indian beat; suddenly you’re the girl the blacks want to meet. Translate the lyrics for them and now you think you can finally fit in. But you’re forgotten and once again another zero on the scale to ten. The “fobs” think you’re a slut because you stay out with the boys till 3. The whites think you’re “too Indian” and should stay with the other Desi’s. Oh, so now you’re an exception because you have you’re Abercrombie crew. What about their racist Indian jokes you laugh too? When will you draw the line between your friends and your cultures justice? But you choose to ignore it because you don’t know what self-esteem and pride is. Poor little Indian American ABCD, poor little girls that don’t mind staying a minority. I feel bad because you’re life’s a double, and I feel you’re pain because we’re all in that same trouble.

We all try to have an identity through different combinations, but now we all just fit into the Indian assimilation.

Current Mood: awake
5 just want to love themselvess|nothing ever bothers her
Thursday, April 21st, 2005
12:18 am
today i was talking to my friend's brother and it was so frustrating because he NEVER listens. he's like indian a few generations ago!! everything is about the money, the flash (which are definitely not indian ideals, but highly viewed in american society)..and then he contradicts himself in which he follows those ideals which are western but says things like.."why hang out with people of other races?" "desis (means "local"..of indian descent..aka indians, pakis, sri lankans, bangladeshis) should only marry desis" "parents are always right" don't get me wrong, i would never look down on him for his beliefs just because he doesn't agree with me..thats just as bad..but it just got me thinking.

so therefore i have concluded

close mindedness!! which is actually funny because hinduism, islam, sikhism, and jainism are VERY open minded religions. i love that about these religions..it doesn't matter what religion you are, it matters what kind of person you are..what your deeds on earth have been. i personally couldn't worship a god who would send me to an eternity of damnation because of what i believe in, despite what kind of person i've been my whole life. a god that believed a certain something other than the "right religion" would condemn one to hell. she was a good person, but didn't believe in what i did...that means hell. and he spent his whole life hurting people, but will go to heaven because he did believe in the "right religion". i think thats a very human mentality. my god will judge us by our hearts. why am i any better than you? that isn't directed at christians or jews either, i have a couple christian friends here that say that all the time and don't look down on other people's beliefs. so other religions can definitely be open minded! but we're talking about indians..actually, there are christian indians, but i've known none, so i can't really say anything legitimate. ANYWAY. i went off on a tangent.

its people themselves that ruin everything! why is there a genocide of hindus in pakistan?! why are hindus in india superior to sikhs and muslims?! why do punjabis think of themselves as a higher race than the rest of india? lighter skin vs. darker..north india vs. south..and damn it, why can't we date people of different colors and different religions?! in my other posts, i said stop the segregation between different races. how bout we stop the brown on brown segregation too?!

there is generally a lack of activism in the disconnect of the indian american world. how many indian americans keep up with indian politics? Even AMERICAN politics (or politics from whatever country you're from)? this problem is a recognizable one. we're igorant! we have a face and it's not that of the stereotyped convienience store "thank you, come again sir" apu (haha, though i do love apu, he's my hero..gotta laugh at yourselves) owner, so don't believe that! indian Americans, while they may even be informed about, need to take actions. there are no truly creditable publications for indian americans...which believe me, we need because our reality is a little different. what do you see in indian american magaizines? the focus forever remains on the pop culture excess of bollywood and a pretty face and a catchy song. i see so many Indian Americans focused on obtaining material wealth...some do it for their family and others do it as a sign of success...maybe we're missing the point and forgot where we came from. the root of hinduism, islam, sikhism, jainism..(and basically every other religion on the planet, despite all the hoo hah) is peace, love..to become better people. to attain to do something better.
blah blah blah. so do it.

i can change the world. just watch.


Current Mood: frustrated
4 just want to love themselvess|nothing ever bothers her
Saturday, April 16th, 2005
6:48 pm
first of all, i just woke up. how pathetic is that? after fig dawg's last post, i have thoughts!! ouch, it hurts.

how important is race? i completely agree with "seperate but equal" just won't fly..and as humans we are all brothers and sisters of eachothers. i hate the term "melting pot"..but we are in america baby. this country is built on immigrants. only in america can things that seem "american" really are just a fusion..you go get a hot dog that is food originally from germany, listen to elvis, who was heavily influenced by black music, cornbread? native americans. i am just as proud to be AMERICAN as i am an INDIAN. we should experience different people with different experiences and different stories.

but sometimes there are things only people of your own race will understand. i'm sure not many of you know what it feels like to not be able to do ANYTHING when you're growing up, to ultimately rebel..to see how your family reacts like that, but be in this constant conflict because you know your parents will never leave you and ultimately would die for you..i don't think a lot of other people know what it feels like to "shame" your parents..to dissapoint them, to break their hearts. simply..by dating? by not being a doctor or engineer? for leaving the house before we're 30, haha? or have this psycho 70 year old lady keep screaming at you in the middle of class over and over, "BUT WHERE IS YOUR DOT?!!!!" (that isn't even funny)and only arabs know what it feels like to be called a terrorist just because they are brown men with beards or because they wear head covers, and not to be able to enter an airport without being absolutely strip searched. just like jews only know what it feels like to be kicked out of almost every country they lived in, in history, because they're the "trouble people"..and only white people know what it feels like to known as racist because they have pride in where they come from!! what it feels like to have people view you as culturally depraved ultra modernists who embrace sex, and black people can only understand how it feels like to be viewed as dangerous, criminals with no family values, who are just lazy, and get pulled over for "driving while black". of course, we're going to have some ties with people who can relate to what we go through. but at the same time, don't pick and choose somebody just because they share your skin color..? thats just as screwed up.

i honestly think there's something innately human that makes jump to generalizations or conclusions about people based on looks, race, or other things..i know when i see some redneck hick guy with a big american flag hanging off the back of his truck, or the popo, i feel on edge..and that really isn't fair is it? but that's why we're human..because we can learn to disregard that, and give people a chance. in god's eyes, we're all equal.


Current Mood: contemplative
3 just want to love themselvess|nothing ever bothers her
12:21 am
"but WHERE is YOUR DOOoooOOOttt?!"
its been a long time, i'm so bored, so i thought i'd have pity on your souls and update!
i love austin texas with the passion of a thousand gods. i wake up every day happy where i am. its frickin 85 degrees out!!! nuff' said.
so i was thinking..how long can you deny what you are and where you come from? one day reality just hits you. i'm proud of what i am and where i come from. I LOVE BROWN PEOPLE. granted, i keep everything from my parents..but i can only hope and pray that one day i'll be half the parent my parents are. and maybe i'll be the first to change things.
in other news, i'm in love. and at i'm completely consumed by it.
my new favorite movie of all time is asoka. go get it!!
i look forward to tuesdays and thursdays because of my politics class. i'm a loser. hahahaha, i'm bushra. give me an A..give me a L...give me a G..give me an E..give me a B..ok, i'll stop.
in extra news, mah leel bushameeesh and fashameesh..goo goo. ga. ga.

Current Mood: calm
9 just want to love themselvess|nothing ever bothers her
Saturday, September 25th, 2004
12:07 pm
wow, it has been a long time since i updated..maybe because i have had no desire to at all. i was looking through all my old entries and they made me feel weird..in a sense nostalgic but in a sense not. i think i have become a much more positive person. i don't think everyone out there is there to attack me and i think people are generally good. i've also realized that people that i had become close with or wanted to just somehow fell out of my life. ie..angel..amanda..nolan..taylor..that somehow makes me a little bit sad. do you think we all eventually have to grow up? that question boggles me. "when you're young you want to save the world, and when you're old you hope the world will save you." i hope it really isn't like that..anyway..i'm looking forward to texas..crossing my fingers. take care all. :)

Current Mood: contemplative
4 just want to love themselvess|nothing ever bothers her
Monday, July 26th, 2004
7:53 pm
and blah de blah
me and my two favorite people aer now my background. *sigh*
3 just want to love themselvess|nothing ever bothers her
Saturday, July 3rd, 2004
12:45 pm
life is funny. haha..*cough*
3 just want to love themselvess|nothing ever bothers her
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